do you know what I absolutely hate? having an eczema outbreak. It's the worst thing in the entire world. One day you'll have perfect, clear, smooth skin and then 5 hours later you're scratching like a little puppy with flees. I think this is partially due to the fact that the weather is changing a lot recently, but nevertheless, it still sucks, and it would still be bad if it weren't close to winter time, it would just happen a lot less. Spring time is the best season of all, though. I hardly ever have any outbreaks.

I just got done lathering my entire body in lotion. Let me elaborate. When I say entire body, I mean exactly that. feet, ankles, calves, thighs, arms, chest, stomach, back, shoulders, neck, face, and yeah, even my butt. (i wasn't sure which word to put there because anything i placed there sounded too awkward or inappropriate for the mood I'm trying to convey. replace that word with whatever makes you comfortable :] ) Let me try to describe this even more... Imagine dipping your entire body in honey. Yeah..do you have a better image now? Okay, now that you're all lathered up in some honey, put your clothes back on. How would this make you feel? Not cool, right? Every time I have an eczema outbreak, i have to feel that. I want to estimate around 100 outbreaks a year. I'm just guessing, but it's a whole frickin lot. I hate my skin. I hate lotion. I hate wearing clothes with lotion on. I hate the smell of non scented lotion. I hate being itchy. I hate scratching my legs and feeling the burn, yet the wonderful satisfaction at the same time. I hate waking up in the morning with bloody fingers, only to find that i had scratched the shit out of my legs that night and now they're all beaten up and bloody. I hate resisting the urge to scratch.

I'll stop now.

I just wanted to update now because I finally had something to say, and because i think I'm going to wait a little to get my tattoo, considering the above. So, it's probably going to be a little bit before I get it done. I'm sure you all are crushed. not.

anyway, I'm not really going to say when I'll be updating next because i juuuust don't know. :(
so, until then ..

I think I've gained weight this week. My days are super repetitive now, kind of like school was. I don't necessarily mind; at least I'm making money, right? I wake up and find something to eat, then I head off to work. After work I come home and eat again because its around dinner time. Because I'm super exhausted I usually try to sleep, this happens at like 9pm. Usually, what happens is, I'll fall asleep and wake up around midnight or 1 am. So, I'll get up and I'll find something to eat. After I'm done eating I'll go and mess around on the internet for a while, then go back to bed. In the morning I'll just wake up and do it all over again.

For starters, I shouldn't be eating that third time, right? Eating less than two hours before I go to bed is probably contributing to the weight gain, but eating when I wake up at midnight most certainly isn't helping either. I'm not even really hungry at that point, really...I think it's just the fact that the bloating from dinner has finally faded. Usually, when I come home to eat, I'm so hungry that I just eat and eat and eat until I'm about to explode. That has also got to stop. I wish I was more organized with my eating habits, and I wish we had some healthier food in this house. When I get home from work I'm tired, but I still find myself cleaning the dishes and organizing things, just from still being in the mood at work.

Next week I think is my official week of not having someone train me. Is that too soon? I don't feel ready at all. There's so much to learn still. I know there's a few positions I haven't been taught yet. I think I'll bring it up to the cook or something.

There are a few things I would like to discuss, nothing important just shit I wanna complain about. :) First, my job is not hard, by any means, it's just a lot of running around and memorization. There's tiny little jobs that need to be done by a certain time every day and some of these can get really boring and repetitive really quick. The obvious one to this is doing the dishes. I'm not the dish washer, I haven't been taught how to use the fancy machine that the kitchen has, but at the end of the day, everyone is cleaning up, and the only thing to really do for the last hour and a half of work is the dishes. It's nonstop cleaning dishes and putting them away. You stand there, you wait for the dishes to come out, you wait for them to dry, you put them away. It's almost unbearable, really. You're exhausted and you just want to go home but you can't because there's 20 more carts of dishes to do. >.<

The second, there's 4 carts, called water carts, that are just a pain in my ass. All I have to do is put little mugs on the bottom and then add the lids onto them, but it's just...it bothers me for some reason. It's clearly not hard. I mean, all you do is put mugs on them. But each cart can hold like 25 mugs. So you go to the mug cart and you put the mugs on the first cart, then you put the lids on those, then you get the next cart and do the same...so on and so forth. This wouldn't be so annoying if I didn't have to keep squatting up and down to complete the task. The lids are on the top of the mug cart, while, after putting the mugs onto the water cart, the mugs are on the second level on the water cart. So it's a constant up and down and up and down and reaching back and forth. It's like a work out. It would probably give me some muscle if I wasn't eating so much.


this is exactly the shape and size of what they look like except they're pink and don't have a dog on them, they're just blank. These cups are like the devil.

Secondly, LADLES. Before I started working at this job, I had no idea what they were called. I just called them the Jurassic park spoon, from the kitchen scene. (leave it to me to associate everything to a movie I've seen). I learned what they were called because of all the freakin contact I have with them during work. I use them to pour the soup and I'm always cleaning them and putting them away. They're nifty little things but after pouring soup into tiny tiny tiny tiny little bowls for a half hour straight, they start to hurt your fingers, which are now bruised, and the soup doesn't even go into the bowl half the time. So, I'm pouring the soup, hoping itll go into the freakin bowl this time, all while my fingers feel like they're falling off. The mug and the ladle should run off and get married....and then jump over the moon.


The scene I think of when I see the ladle below. I'm going to have to watch Jurassic Park again. :)

demon ladle.

demon ladle and devil cups. For a nursing home run by nuns, it can be a really evil place.



I have tomorrow to work and then friday. Friday I get my first pay check ! :) I'm excited. Well, I think that's all for now. I'm getting tired again. I should take advantage of that. I expect to really get into the gist of things at least by the end of next week. I'm sure things will start to fall into place soon. I'm just trying to be positive and what not. OH, jeesh, I almost forgot. I took the bus to work today. I am so proud. Honestly, doing little things that I've never done before like that make me feel really good. It's a confidence booster I think, and it's sending me well on my way of conquering my anxiety. :) I shall be updating soooon !